Life of a missionary's kid #5

Well this is my last post in the My life as a Missionary's kid series. Hope you have enjoyed them this far.

 

In times of Sorrow   

Today I would like to talk about something that I have shared with only a handful of people. It is often hard for me to talk about this but I felt that God has laid it upon my heart to share it with you so I believe I will.

It was November 12, 2006, and my family had finally arrived at our first mission's conference in Canton, OH nine hours away from home. My mom was 27 weeks pregnant and was very exhausted from the long journey. The first night of the conference she was not feeling very well but we all figured it was because of the long journey. The next night was different. I remember waking up late in the night being confused and scared, " What's going on?" I had asked. My dad was running around the hotel room in a panic, and he had just woke up me and my brother. I could hear my mom in the bathroom but I was too tired to know what was happening. " We got to go," My dad had said, " We got to go to the hospital now!"

' Why," I had asked frightened. He replied saying that my mom had just had her water broke. At the time I did not know what that was and I was even more frightened, I began asking more questions but my parents didn't have time to answer me. We quickly got into the car, and headed for the hospital. I remember silently crying in the back seat. I was afraid for my mom, and for the baby. I thought something horrible must be wrong with her. I remember watching my dad holding my mom's hand trying to comfort her on the way to the hospital. As I watched them up front so many thoughts crossed my mind. I thought that I might loose my mom or the baby, but I really just didn't know what to think.

Once we reached the hospital my parents were whisked off to a room where the doctors helped her and tried to figure out what was wrong. I remember the nurses bringing me and my brother into a little abandoned waiting room. They tried to comfort us and they told us to try to go to sleep. I was only about 7 at that time and my brother was only about 3 and I remember snuggling him up in my arms and watched him as he fell asleep. But I was far from being able to sleep. I remember just looking into the distance. I remember that there was a little aquarium in the room and I just watched those little fish swim around as tears fell down my cheeks, i prayed to God that he would protect my mom and the baby.

   

Sometime later my dad returned and told me and my brother that my mom was fine. I had asked what was wrong, " She was having the baby," He told me. I smiled feeling relief that my mom was Ok. " Can I see her?" I asked.

I wasn't able to see her till a while after that but when I did something in my stomach sunk, something was wrong and I could feel it. I ran up to her and wrapped my arms around her, " Where's the baby?" I asked. She turned her head but I could still see tears in her eyes, " Brittney..." She started. " I stepped back and turned to my dad," Where's the baby?" I asked again. 

" He didn't make it Brittney. He's gone. He-he's in Heaven now."

I don't really remember much about what happened after that. It was kind of a blur to me. I was just too shocked that my baby brother had died. I remember the day that we buried him just looking over his tombstone  that said:

Canton Jeff Johnson

Beloved brother and son

November 14, 2006

Died at birth

" Why!?!" I had asked God, " Why did you take him away from me."

   Years later I still don't understand why God takes things away from us. But I understand now that I don't need too know. God has a perfect plan for everything, and I have peace in my heart that he took Canton away for a reason. As Christians we face hardships like anyone else. I think hardships are things to either build our faith up or it breaks it down. It all depends on how we handle things. I believe that God took Canton away to show me how precious and fragile life is, and also to love and cherish the one brother I do have. Through Canton's death my mom has also been able to reach so many people who have also lost a baby. She speaks on it sometimes, and also writes about it too. I cherish my mom, and I am constantly looking up to her. She showed so much strength when Canton died. She told me that even though the pain from having her baby die was almost unbearable, she still had peace in her heart. Peace that only God could give her.

So I don't know how many people will read this post. I have never openly talked about this incident in my life, I have always tucked it away in my heart and always tried to keep quiet about it; that's just the way I deal with pain I guess. But I just felt like God wanted me to share that with you guys. I hope that some of you got a blessing out of it.

 

Song lyrics from Blessed be the name of the Lord

The Lord giveth, he taketh away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord;
I served him before and I'll serve him today,
Blessed be the name of the Lord.

When troubles come suddenly,
Blessed be the name!
When strong winds blow violently,
Blessed be the name!
When Satan comes oppressing me,
Blessed be the name!
I'll still serve God faithfully,
Blessed be the name!